Oleg Smirnov
2021-07-31 16:05:30 UTC
Greedy Vlad banned homosexuals in Russia so he can keep them all for himself.
It's Okay To Have A Small Penis, World Tells Putin
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RUSSIAN prime minister Vladimir Putin has been told it is okay to have a
smaller than average penis and that he can stop all this nonsense whenever he
likes.
A United Nation's resolution has called on the bear-chested, gun-toting,
horse wrestler to come to terms with his penis size and perhaps read a book
or take up fly-fishing instead.
Putin's KGB bodyguard Mikhail Kurkov, said: "Every day he wants to be
photographed firing a bazooka or fighting a massive animal.
"This morning we had to ship in a drugged gorilla just so that he could give
it a karate chop. Then it was off to the mountains to shoot anti-tank guns at
goats with his top off."
He added: "A particularly slow four-year-old could work out the subtext. He
thinks he's Russian politics' answer to Bruce Willis but really he's more
like a Jeremy Clarkson with less hair and more appeal to homosexuals.
"And before you ask yes, it is miniscule."
Putin's Facebook page lists his favourite film as Lone Wolf McQuade, his
favourite song as Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins and his favourite food as 'the
raw, still-beating heart, torn from the fresh carcass of the black boar of
Svetlograd'."
Olga Kamarov, Putin's nan, said: "It's understandable. It is like a scale
model of a normal boy's parts.
'When he was little we used to make jokes about it, saying that the fairies
had magicked away his bits, but now I feel perhaps we scarred the boy."
His housekeeper Anya added: "Yes, I've seen it too. It's like a little
mushroom. Ha ha ha."
It's Okay To Have A Small Penis, World Tells Putin
Go ad-free
RUSSIAN prime minister Vladimir Putin has been told it is okay to have a
smaller than average penis and that he can stop all this nonsense whenever he
likes.
A United Nation's resolution has called on the bear-chested, gun-toting,
horse wrestler to come to terms with his penis size and perhaps read a book
or take up fly-fishing instead.
Putin's KGB bodyguard Mikhail Kurkov, said: "Every day he wants to be
photographed firing a bazooka or fighting a massive animal.
"This morning we had to ship in a drugged gorilla just so that he could give
it a karate chop. Then it was off to the mountains to shoot anti-tank guns at
goats with his top off."
He added: "A particularly slow four-year-old could work out the subtext. He
thinks he's Russian politics' answer to Bruce Willis but really he's more
like a Jeremy Clarkson with less hair and more appeal to homosexuals.
"And before you ask yes, it is miniscule."
Putin's Facebook page lists his favourite film as Lone Wolf McQuade, his
favourite song as Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins and his favourite food as 'the
raw, still-beating heart, torn from the fresh carcass of the black boar of
Svetlograd'."
Olga Kamarov, Putin's nan, said: "It's understandable. It is like a scale
model of a normal boy's parts.
'When he was little we used to make jokes about it, saying that the fairies
had magicked away his bits, but now I feel perhaps we scarred the boy."
His housekeeper Anya added: "Yes, I've seen it too. It's like a little
mushroom. Ha ha ha."